Diary of a Frazzled Working Mom during COVID

 

This is me waiting in my car to take a COVID test last night, after work, dinner and putting the kids down with Jeremy, after a teary-eyed call with my sister about how to handle Lincoln's behavior lately. 

The purpose of this post is to document and record this time for myself and the kiddos. And a little to vent.

There are some days that I feel like I have things together. And there are days that I do not. Right now, I do not feel like I have it together.

Lincoln had a student in his pre-k class last week test positive to COVID, shutting down his classroom for two weeks. Here is where the gray area begins. One of my jobs wants me to work until I get a positive COVID test. My other job won't let me work until I produce a negative COVID test. I am setting the precedence for both offices. 

Finding COVID testing for the whole family has been a challenge, you either have to wait 2+ hours in a line with the kids (because we have so much extra time on our hands), or go to several different days and appointment times to get the family tested (at a $99 fee per test). The testing is expensive and not convenient, making it an obstacle to care.

 Let me preface this, that I am totally experiencing a first world problem and I realize that I am dealing with much much less than most people. Again, just trying to document for my kids in the future. Due to this exposure, we haven't done our normal routine. We haven't gone to church, missed the church Halloween parade, I stayed home on Saturday, it snowed, keeping us indoors the past several days. Lincoln can't quite understand why he isn't in school right now, and is struggling with the sharp shift in routine. In order to have *some* control in his life, he has started acting out in unacceptable ways, like not turning off the tv when asked, hitting his sister more, hitting me when I told him to go to his room. All of this is wearing me very thin. This is not typical behavior for him and I know that he is just trying his best to make sense of all of the chaos. I am pretty sure he is picking up on the tension in the air with the election, the pandemic, the chaos of the world. 

I don't feel like I know how to handle all of this challenging behavior after long days at work, Jeremy is working hard as always. No family in town for support is wearing me very thin. 

In addition, patients all have a political opinion that they feel needs to be stated every hour- 10 times a day, 4 days a week. Some patients are terrified of COVID and others are greatly annoyed. I get to play the middle man at work all day and then battle with a strong willed child who is struggling to understand his little world right now. 

I find myself wishing we had family nearby to alleviate some of the pressure to deal with ALL of the things. Juggling the kid's routines, special time with each kid, reading with the kids, working, exercising, being married, making dinner, keeping pee off of the floor, potty training Emmie is just A LOT right now. 

I know I will get over this and feel like a good mom again, but right now I feel stretched too thin to be effective. 

There is my week in a nutshell. Also, Hanna called in sick today (which happens, not her fault) but it caused stress and a small argument over who should stay home with the kids today. (Our typical back up sick kid sitter's business dissolved because of COVID and she had to find another job and can't babysit for us last minute any more). This is my least favorite conversation to have. Last minute childcare for small children white both parents work full time is a hot mess. 

Side note: after some self reflection I've figured out how I am dealing with the stress of COVID. My coping mechanism is GapKids. My vice is buying adorable kids clothing, Gap being my favorite. If my kids are cute and put together, then I feel more put together. I can't control all of the craziness around me with the election and COVID but I *can* put together one heck of a cute outfit. AND with all of this togetherness, who doesn't want an adorable kid to look at? Yes, I spend more than I should and am trying to be more cognizant of what clothing they actually need. Yes, they will probably outgrow it in like 2 weeks, but damnit, they look pretty cute right now. 

I've also been reading tons of books to take my head to a different place besides my usual "to-do" list